I very often get accused of never really having a testimony of the Book of Mormon, or of the Church.
Members make up excuses or rationalisation for why I ‘lost my testimony’ or became a non-believer, as a method of easing their own cognitive dissonance.
It’s very difficult to accept that I and many others just might be right.
Our subconscious minds are so powerful & amazingly malleable that they can convince us of almost anything. Just ask a fundamentalist Muslim.
I was a truly committed & 100% convinced faithful Mormon, with a testimony of the truthfulness of the Book of Mormon that I did not ever think would fail me. I believed I knew the Book of Mormon was true just as much as I knew I was alive.
Yet, faced with real evidence, not just feelings, I had to painfully conclude I had been deluded. Deluded in a similar way to millions of other wonderful people who are committed & testimony owning members of other faith based religions around the world.
When my testimony melted away, it felt like my heart was being torn out of my body. I felt I was dying inside. It was because I was so convinced of the truth claims of the Church that it hurt so much to be proved wrong. My whole identity as a person was tied up with the Church doctrines & beliefs.
Sometimes the truth hurts. I can empathise with the dilemma & pain of hundreds of thousands of members across the world for whom the Church is now becoming a fraud & tragically a fond memory, as they come to realise they’ve been conned too.
Our subconscious brains will deceive us by telling us the ‘Vital Lie’ in order protect our sense of reality, our security & our perception of happiness.
It’s far easier & much less painful for other people to believe that I never had a testimony than that the Book of Mormon is a fraud.
I wish you well my friends in your search for truth.