Being a Mormon: Implications on Marriage & Family Life (my thoughts)

There are ostensibly three individuals involved in a Mormon marriage.

The husband, wife, & the Mormon God.

A fictitious extra-marital partner!

However, with the Mormon God being a fabrication of each spouse’s mind, that means there are actually two other partners in the relationship, because each spouse has their own individual & personal version of the Mormon God.

The potential for problems arises as the two separate delusions of the Mormon God give guidance and direction to each spouse separately.

It would be bad enough if only one partner had an invisible friend who gave them advice, but with each person believing they are obtaining guidance from their own fictitious friend the potential for dangerous emotion driven thinking & potential strains on the relationship is increased.

Though, as the Church emphasises avoiding contention at all costs, marriages seem to carry on looking strong on the outside, but it’s just a superficial appearance in some cases, with some marriages retaining an underlying weakness due to the inability of the partners to truthfully express themselves. The depth & intimacy of strong interpersonal relationships is missing due to both parties having different goals for themselves & the marriage, yet having an inability to communicate this effectively.

As long as either the husband or wife, usually the wife, is willing to let their God’s advice take second place things aren’t too bad.

From a psychological perspective, the voice of God is the person’s sub-conscious mind. That version of God fits precisely with their own personal belief system. Their version of God is their very own ‘God in their head’!

In the Mormon Church lots of single adults seem to base their criteria for potential marriage partners primarily on whether the person is a faithful Latter-day Saint & often, for a woman, whether the man has served a faithful mission. This seriously limits the choice of potential marriage partner (in the UK).

Other criteria come second after they’re a ‘faithful Church member’.

There seems to be an inherent belief that if this criteria is put first that the marriage will be happy & successful. That God will somehow bless their relationship. Some women particularly value the fact that the man is a returned missionary, despite not knowing how he served on his mission.

What’s worrying about these type of marriage choices is that the whole Mormon belief system is based on fantasy! It’s a fictitious myth. A pleasant one, but not based on reality, but rather a lie.

It’s bad enough that people base their lives and major life decisions around a lie, but when couples base their marriages on the lie then reality goes out the window & the couple miss out on a potentially rewarding deeper, truthful relationship.

In Mormonism we’re taught to love God first before anyone,or anything else, even our wives or husbands. The problem is that this love is being directed towards a fictitious, invisible, supernatural, ‘fantasy being’ which is inside our own heads! It’s like a child loving their invisible, made up friend more than any of their real living friends!

A consequence of loving the Mormon God first, before even our spouse & children, is that we’re willing to sacrifice time with them to serve our imaginary God. This reduces our opportunities to strengthen these most precious of earthly relationships.
Also we’re held to ransom by the three-way/four-way relationship between our spouses & our Gods because if we decide to change our beliefs about religion, & therefore our God, it threatens the most fundamental and important actual relationships with our spouse & children. Many marriages tragically fail when one partner leaves the Church.

In fact, all of the most important events and relationships in our lives are tied up with the Mormon Church & our relationship with the fictitious Mormon God. For example just after birth our children are given a name & a blessing in a Mormon priesthood ritual with tremendous emotional feelings for our families, & of course with a Mormon Church overlay.

When a child goes to school for the first time he/she receives a father’s (priesthood) blessing purportedly coming direct from God via the lips of the priesthood holder, with emotional repercussions for the family again intertwined with the Mormon Church & Mormon God.

When the child is eight years of age he/she is baptised usually by the father as priesthood holder, in a tremendously emotional experience for the family, again very much involving the Mormon Church & God.

Whenever a child or wife is ill they have a priesthood administration usually from the husband, once more involving the Mormon Church & God.

As any family member receives a Church calling the husband, as priesthood holder, is invited to participate in any ‘setting apart’ or priesthood blessing.

Women can’t get involved, ever, but are spectators on the side-lines.

Families are separated at Church into their respective gender and age groups from the age of 18 months. Even when families are together during Sacrament meeting (unless you’re on the Bishopric) you have to sit reverently & therefore can’t communicate effectively.

Almost all family activities at home also have the Church superimposed onto them with family prayers morning & evening as well as at mealtimes. Also, weekly Family Home Evenings are basically a Church meeting based around teaching a Church principle from a Church lesson manual.

There really is very little quality family time or family occasion that does not involve the Church & Church teachings at some point.

In a word normal family life, it’s relationships, family time together, the family occasions, normal family emotions, the hopes & dreams of the family are ‘HIJACKED’ by the Church for its own ends, to keep you emotionally attached to the Church!

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One Response to Being a Mormon: Implications on Marriage & Family Life (my thoughts)

  1. Carolyn says:

    I agree with EVERYTHING you are saying! I would love to be this open on my blog, but there are a lot of people who read it who are mormons, and they would be so offended. The points about control are particularly pertinent to myself – my husband had revelation about when I should have babies, moving interstate, finances – everything! And his revelation always trumped anything I felt. End result? We have no assets, even though 24 years ago we had $50,000 CASH!!!! We should have been set for life! When he wanted me to agree to something, he would give me a “blessing” and “God” would tell me directly whatever it was my husband wanted.
    When I left the church, he was no longer able to control me through this method. And when I started getting an education, he knew it was really over. BAsically once he and the church could no longer control me, the marriage was over.
    So after 7 children and 25 years, I am getting divorced with no assets, no education or career, and having given my all to the mormon church.
    You could say I’m a little pissed off!

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